Have you ever bought a ticket at a fair or circus to the House of Mirrors? You know, the one where you enter a dark tent and there are wall to wall mirrors and each one that you look into your face and body look completely distorted? You head is flat and curved, your body wide and broken? There are infinite images of yourself? It is meant to be entertaining because what you see of yourself is not really what is reality. You know your body does not look like this crazy image facing you. You leave the black tent giggling.
Have you ever been to a party or a church service, concert, class, meeting – where everyone around you was nodding their heads and thinking and believing the same thing, but you were pretty sure that was not the way things worked outside the sanctuary or conference room? It can make one feel very confused and isolated. Imagine you were to stand up in the middle of the class and tried to convince the teacher that there was a whole world outside that claimed that the sky was really blue and not the purple that they insisted on inside that room. What if they put you in the corner and locked you in until you were ready to admit that the sky was purple? What if you grew more and more angry?
What would you do?
Our brains are so powerful. They are so expansive. Even in a child. Even when the world around us looks, well, distorted. Somewhere in our small, big brains we know better. There is truth whispering persistently. What do we do if we still have to attend a service amongst a group that feels we are one way when we KNOW we are another? We preserve ourselves.
My brain, my room was more than I realized it was at the time. It was a bubble where I could preserve my good, healthy brain. It was a place where I knew I was Christen and I was okay. I knew inherently that the sky was not purple, that it was very, very blue and it was beautiful. I knew this by going outside, reading, watching the world and observing.
I grew and grew. I became insistent on sharing the great news that the sky was blue. It is beautifully blue! In my tent no one believed me. I was crazy. I was super crazy. I was slightly evil. But, no.
I live outside the tent now in very green pastures under my bright, blue sky. I know the truth because it declares it all around me. “You are okay. You are my daughter in whom I am well-pleased.”
I am not the enemy?
I am not sin itself?
I am not crazy?
Yes, God. I am not these things. I am your daughter in whom you are WELL-PLEASED. And the sky above is crystal and blue.
Join The Safe Nest here. Share your story.