I can’t believe I am actually going to write this. I have been struggling today and feeling very down and I get an e-mail about your new site, I didn’t even know about it.
Well anyway, three years ago I was diagnosed with MS. I look perfectly healthy, thankfully I can walk and I don’t appear to be ill but I have MS plaques all over my brain. I have been in denial for three years about this but I cannot be in denial any longer. I have feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, depressed and I know it is from the MS. No one seems to understand, family or friends because I look so healthy they just assume I am not sick. I guess I am good at hiding it. When I am around my family I do not let it show. But I have lots of memory problems, forgetting even very important events, I have to write down everything. I also feel very unsure of myself now. I have a business selling on line and it was doing very well for the last year but for the last six months I can’t stay focused and can’t even seem to work the business, which consists of buying and selling. It is not hard, it is time consuming and takes concentration to make sure I can make a profit. But I am constantly unsure of anything anymore and so I just don’t buy which means my inventory is shrinking and my business is dying. I know what to do to be successful with this business because I have done it before. But I just can’t seem to get it together, I am depressed and I don’t care. But I really want to care.
I have no reason to be depressed that is why I believe it is the MS. I do have a supportive husband but he really doesn’t understand the scope of the situation or what he can do. So I just silently struggle, alone, not having anyone to share with. I really hate having pity parties when I know there are others who have it much worse than me. But it doesn’t stop me. I can’t seem to get over this and get moving and start being productive again.
I know this is a little scattered but basically I am depressed, lonely and feeling hopeless and I don’t like it and there is no real reason I should feel this way, which makes it so much worse.
Thank you for opening up and sharing your heart, Dear One. I hear you. I hear your pain and isolation. Please comment and let us encourage our reader.