Share #92


Dear Christen,

I can’t believe I am actually going to write this.  I have been struggling today and feeling very down and I get an e-mail about your new site, I didn’t even know about it.

Well anyway, three years ago I was diagnosed with MS.  I look perfectly healthy, thankfully I can walk and I don’t appear to be ill but I have MS plaques all over my brain.  I have been in denial for three years about this but I cannot be in denial any longer.  I have feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, depressed and I know it is from the MS.  No one seems to understand, family or friends because I look so healthy they just assume I am not sick.   I guess I am good at hiding it.  When I am around my family I do not let it show.  But I have lots of memory problems, forgetting even very important events, I have to write down everything.  I also feel very unsure of myself now.  I have a business selling on line and it was doing very well for the last year but for the last six months I can’t stay focused and can’t even seem to work the business, which consists of buying and selling.  It is not hard, it is time consuming and takes concentration to make sure I can make a profit.  But I am constantly unsure of anything anymore and so I just don’t buy which means my inventory is shrinking and my business is dying.  I know what to do to be successful with this business because I have done it before.  But I just can’t seem to get it together, I am depressed and I don’t care.  But I really want to care.

I have no reason to be depressed that is why I believe it is the MS.  I do have a supportive husband but he really doesn’t understand the scope of the situation or what he can do.  So I just silently struggle, alone, not having anyone to share with.  I really hate having pity parties when I know there are others who have it much worse than me.  But it doesn’t stop me.  I can’t seem to get over this and get moving and start being productive again.

I know this is a little scattered but basically I am depressed, lonely and feeling hopeless and I don’t like it and there is no real reason I should feel this way, which makes it so much worse.

Thank you for opening up and sharing your heart, Dear One. I hear you. I hear your pain and isolation. Please comment and let us encourage our reader.

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  1. My heart goes out to you. My dear friend has MS and she faces many of the same problems. Many people discount her struggles because they’re not always evident; however, I have seen the effects of this disease. She is brilliant, funny, and beautiful. She fights depression, a lot of pain, and the same memory issues as you. I encourage you to find someone you can talk to, or a support group, and to give yourself permission to take radically good care of yourself. Rest when you can. Go for a walk. Read books that are uplifting. Meditate. Eat well. My friend says diet is one of the best defenses she’s found. I’m saying a prayer for you. Thank you for sharing your story. It really touched me.

  2. I found some knowledgeable and helpful links:

    Depression and liack of motivation are very common side effects of MS. Please see the doctoe treating you for MS and get medication/treatment/therapy. MS is a hard enough disease to deal with – the depression symptom is treatable and will help you focus on your well-being and living with MS. It helps to be able to recognize other changes caused by MS while being treated for depression – you’re much more aware of fatigue, physical changes, etc. There are other symptoms that aren’t as easily treatable – you will need your strength and well being to be as sane as possible so you can tackle dealing with those more difficult symptoms.

    There is an amazing online support group through the national MS Society’s website. You might also find going to a local support group is helpful:

    PLEASE go see your doctor and get meds, therapy, whatever you need to help with your depression and lack of motivation. You will be able to keep your business running and focus on yourself in a more positive way.

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